reminiscing

is painful. Joyful sometimes, but mostly painful because the very fact that you’re reminiscing means that something is no more.

I’m incredibly thankful and blessed to have had some amazing, hilarious, unforgettable experiences in the last few years, humble though they may seem to you - late night “studying”, routine “sleepovers”, hours of conversation, everyday/night shenanigans, one-of-a-kind relationship dynamics. Honestly; I’m talking about times where even when I was IN them I almost consciously felt like, “Wow, I’m SO happy. This is SO funny. This is SO precious. This is a memory in the making. I’m going to remember this forever.”

Moments I allowed myself to savor, when I wasn’t too busy just experiencing them.

I don’t know if I can say I’ve had many of those moments this year; just a lot of recalling, remembering, reminiscing. With a lot of laughter and the quickly accompanying sigh.

Don’t get me wrong. I do get sad but mostly my heart can’t stop smiling whenever I allow my thoughts to travel to these things/people. I really can’t. Whether or not they can be relived, I treasure them and really think they’re gifts from God one way or another.

bleh

meh

weh

heh

Yes, I’m really very lucky.

And you know, God knows. And he will provide. And he has been and is providing. And I realize my post stops making sense here but it makes sense to me so whateva.

Thanks God for your gifts - manifested in people, relationships, love, laughter, lessons - filled with so much good my heart can explode just thinking of them even if some are only memories now. You are sovereign. You are good.