deconstructive criticism

The peer response is both my favorite and least favorite component of writing workshops. Favorite because they're necessary and almost always helpful. Least favorite because 1. they're tedious to write and 2. once in a while you come across someone like this:

Hi Michelle,

Your piece about your early memories was quite interesting. I thought that the fact that you chose to write about two very defining memories which were connected through scissors could be a very effective piece, especially given the fact that you seem to experience the same feelings of loss and regret regarding your choices with trying to be more feminine when you're dealing with cut hair.

However, your piece is very bland; you seem to take great delight in telling me how you feel. That combined with your first paragraph about scissors meant that I spent your entire piece waiting for you to whip out a pair of scissors and start cutting things. However, at the same time, you didn't build up the suspense very effectively. Your voice comes off as monotone, even when you're talking about feeling "richer and happier than I ever remembered feeling." Because you have a lot of repetition and lists, you have a lot of opportunity to build up suspense or humor. With lists, you have a great opportunity to escalate. However, when you're talking about your birthday gifts, you talk about a "Lion King confetti tumbler, light-up shoes, and number 2 pencils, along with a stationery set, stickers, a Simba plush doll, and the biggest surprise, a mini indoor tent." However, it's clear from the rest of the piece that your favorite gift out of this is the Simba doll. So why is it in the middle, in a place of little importance? And why is your "biggest surprise" no longer mentioned in the the entire story? It's parts like these that detract from your story. If you simply had the items escalate from mediocre gifts to more personal and important, then you'd create a sensation of growing intimacy. On the other hand, if you described more and more intimate gifts and ended with, "and number 2 pencils," you create a humorous situation. Your entire piece is full of places where you could be just a tad more humorous, more intimate with your reader, and doing so would make your piece interesting.

In conclusion, your piece is also not very clear in terms of plot and theme. You have two very separate vignettes that could be very interesting together, but you don't fully connect them despite originally stating that you would do so in your original paragraph. From a structure point of view, it's very much lacking in that aspect, and if you could simply connect them, your piece would be much stronger.

Sincerely,
Rebecca

Hm.

Hi Rebecca,

Your response to my piece was quite interesting. I thought that the fact that you [tactlessly] hand out brutally honest commentary on everyone's papers could make for a very effective letter, especially given that you talk unceasingly in class, have offensively strong opinions, and are a good writer whom I have no choice but to respect.

However, your response is very pissy; you seem to take great delight in telling me how you feel. Your first comments on my paper (". . . k . . .", "o . k . ?", "yes, I get it") made me want to strip that fine green gel ink off the page and wrap it around your neck are wholly unnecessary and do not in any way serve to help me become a more effective writer. I understand that you are being honest and transparent, and that overly sugarcoated responses can be just as useless and insulting, but your impulsive mental reactions penned in beside my sentences frankly have nothing to do with my improvement. You do not even mention these o . k .'ed parts in your letter, so why waste that ink on my paper? Do these ellipses serve any purpose at all apart from demoralizing the writer? You are clearly unaware of the meaning of "constructive criticism."

Also, it is worth pointing out that, just like me, you are yet an undergraduate, highly inexperienced, unfortunately biased literature major. Granted, you may be more outspoken, more talented, more proficient in chemistry than I am, but according to that truth, your opinions about what constitutes buildup or humor are just that - opinions, not fact. Perhaps if you were my writing professor your words would carry more validity, but even Professor Frielicher wrote a "nicer" (albeit honest), more specific, more relevant critique than you did. Your entire letter is full of places where you could be just a tad more humble, more empathetic with your reader, more intentional, and doing so would make your letter useful.

In conclusion, (by the way, "in conclusion" is typically used in wrapping up your previously stated arguments, not to introduce new ones; aka using the word "also"), you have potential to be an extremely helpful peer but you apparently have no idea of how to conduct yourself in a socially polite, respectful manner. [Oops, did I say you had potential? I meant to model my letter after yours and not include a single positive thing.] From a personal point of view, you're very much lacking in that aspect, and if you could simply fix that about yourself, you would be much more bearable.

Sincerely,

Michelle

* The above picture has absolutely nothing to do with this and solely exists to add some positivity to a post otherwise dripping with negativity