on guard

I've become increasingly convinced that the most dangerous thing that can happen to a person is this: passiveness. We're all vulnerable to it. Our talent, drive, ambition, happiness, invention, and joys - it really doesn't matter how much of it we have if we become passive. And that's the scary thing:

Passiveness is what stops you from writing out the thoughts you have, wastes away the night hours you don't have, convinces you that small decisions don't have big consequences, sucks the joy out of joys, stops you from taking action when you're inspired, moved, touched, or convicted. It's what stops me from waking up earlier to exercise, persuades me that mindless Facebook and Tumblr surfing is more fun than it really is, keeps me from pursuing hobbies out of laziness, whispers that a chapter of Proverbs and a short prayer are more than enough to purge me of my devotional duties for the day, definitely. It's Satan's best tool, and for good reason.

That being said, I need to get my act together and break off the oppressive reins of passiveness that have been driving me for much too long. Stop sleeping. Stop moping. Stop thinking. Stop pretending. Get moving. Get learning. Get walking. Get growing. There are those times when I'd rather be dramatic and feel as though God ripped out a piece of my heart without warning. But if that's really what he did, he's only going to fill it with something so much better - better because he knows what was meant to be there in the first place. Yes. Don't say, do. Pray. Act. Live.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:11-12

I feel like a pretender sometimes. I know all the things I should do/say/think and can perform rather convincingly, but still my heart feels so ugly. Because it is. And what's the point of putting up the facade if God can see right through it and straight into the black chaos that is my heart? Who am I kidding?

Send revival, start with me.

Forayls.

* One of my goals this winter break is to make my blog's title (michelle eats) more accurate again (I have some post ideas I reallly don't want to flake on). Along with playing with my dad's Nikon D7000 (yup, D: ), if he lets me, for accompanying pictures and maybe video. Along with taking up writing songs again, even if they're brown and smelly and log-shaped. Along with working on my EAP/GS Paris apps. I already accomplished one goal, which was to (re)learn how to crochet YAY (albeit very poorly)! With the exception of maybe the third thing, please keep me accountable!